Needing Emptiness.

This becoming a Dad thing is starting to hit me in the heart as Chrissy enters the second trimester of the pregnancy. In about 24 weeks (Lord willing) the reality of fatherhood will be in my arms and on my mind constantly. I'm not freaking out or getting anxious but rather I am starting to really consider what it means to be a dad, not just a friend or leader, but a father. I want to be the best dad ever; I want to be the greatest earthly example for this child. 

It's crazy though because the more I think about the "methods" I'll use or the attitudes that I'll want to portray the more I am realizing that I can't ever be in control. I can't be the "counselor" that the culture tells me I need to be. 

I'm re-reading this book "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and I am reminded that in my life and in my daily routine I cannot fully function on my own power. I mean, I can get by and do what I think is best for me, Chrissy and this child, but in all reality who just wants to just "get by"? I want to THRIVE! I want us to LIVE! I desire freedom and peace; not just for me but for my family. 

And the craziest thing of all is that in order to attain this sense of freedom and fullness of life I need to give up the steering wheel. I need to let go. I need to be led and not lead. It may sound cliche or cheesy but it's completely true. If I want to be the best dad, youth pastor, restaurant server, husband and friend I need to make room for the Spirit of the living God to lead and take full control of my life. 

This is so hard to do! My mind tells me that I have everything under control, there's no need to change the conductor of this life because we're doing just fine. We're getting by!

And that's exactly it! I'm sick of just getting by! I'm sick of complacency and comfort! I'm sick of settling for attaining cultural success. 

"When we are at our wits' end for an answer, then the Holy Spirit can give us an answer. But how can He give us an answer when we are still well supplied with all sorts of answers of our own?" - Karl Barth

I am committing to praying every day to be led and not be the leader of my life. I am committing to praying for 30 days to ask God to empty me more and more and give room for the Spirit to work and move through and in me. again. 

- He must become greater, I must become less - John 3:30

- Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their lives will lose it - Jesus